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Arguing With a Teen

Updated: Feb 25, 2019

My almost 15 year old teenager seemingly wanted me to know that I upset her tonight. She was being very dramatic laying on the floor pouting. We have done this song and dance a few times.

Her point was she did not feel like her parents trust her. This started all from me asking her to disable her thumb print on her cell phone. I wanted to tell her, it is my job to not trust her, but I kept my cool.

She then proceeded to tell me how chilled she will be with her children.

So many things came to mind, but I resisted.

I needed something to make this a teachable moment.

I explained that life will happen to her and she will not be as chilled as she wants. She will be scared every time her child is out of her site. She will do everything to try to protect her sweet baby. I could not tell my teenager that and have her hear me.

Her point was she did not feel like her parents trust her.

So I found my teachable moment.

I told her when she spends an hour in her room daily talking to her girlfriend, her dad and I worry. When she has to text her friends while we are having family tv time, we worry. We worry because of the lack of communication. I informed her that her dad and I like knowing what she is thinking. When she talks about nothing to us, we worry and wonder what she is keeping from us.

The more I talked, the more her body language softened.

I informed her that trust was a two way street just like communication works both ways. If she wanted us to trust her, then she needed to trust us with what was going on in her life. If she wanted trust, then we needed more communication.

Bottom line, even with trust we would do everything we could to protect her. If she wanted a smartphone, then we will track her. We will read her text every night and basically keep her from making bad choices. She has made mistakes and will continue. That is the life of a teenager.

Then she said how lucky her youngest sister was cuz we would be nicer to her.

I told her that she was the lucky one.

By the time we went through two more teenagers and learned all the things we are not smart enough to know yet, that her youngest sibling had no chance to fool us.

She laughed and agreed that she was the lucky one.

But I think I am the lucky one.

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